Sleepless night mind dump

-

 My mind is full

I need to dump and clear it up.

Its past 3 am and i can't seem to sleep tonight

we have a guest here for another 10 days.

Its only night one.

not sure how the rest of the time will be like

I am stuck. I really don't know what to do.

I hate myself for this but i have too

I gave too many chances to be in the same spot.

Nothings happening.

No improvements.

I need fresh air

I feel like im suffering and isolated in this situation

Let  him know what is happening and close this chapter.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Reaccount my mental relapse

-
.  i felt like everything was going well until money got involved my parents dislike him and not so supportive of our relationship 2023 was also a tough year i left home and stayed with him for couple of months and i choose him over my family i needed my freedom and be treated like an adult. I can't be here forever. I know i will miss my family but its the hard reality. Alot went on my head and why no one sees he is a good person and have treated me well with respect. I try explaining but nothing works its so fucking hard for me to go through this what called mental health and struggle to have my freedom of choice to do whatever i want. I know you don't want me to get hurt i won't and i will be fine. somehow i got put into hospital again. I dont believe my diagnosis. Its emotions why i can't i expresss myself in a way no one can understand. You don't like it its ok its my life. you try to scare me but im not scared.  I was happy. Now im not so much.  This better tha...
Read more

Bullying and friendships

-
 Since primary school i felt no one really loved me. I was bullied or wasnt treated like other people. I would be kicked out of groups and i would hang alone. I had no friends until year 2 i met one friend i'm still friends with who knows all my love stories til uni time where life happened and we gone our own ways but occasionally we catch up by messages but do hope to see her one day again.  There's this one girl who would say mean stuff to me and til high school we went to the same primary and high school she was still giving me bad vibes and out of high school to last year i saw her and she smiled to me and im not sure if its real smile or fake i mean its been so many years but im sure she knows what she's done but it doesn't matter anymore we were kids and we are adults now its just still feel like she doesn't like that much.. So when i saw my friends come to the hospital to see me i didn't really cared about friendships and i was always with my family most...
Read more

Him

-
 We met on bumble 16/8/2022 that same night we met up and went to gongcha cabramatta and then drove around and got to know each other. That night i didn't really cared about him or didn't think i would date him because he wasn't australian born. I was wearing my pjs out:L i didn't make an effort on dates. Knowing him i didn't think he would be interested in me anyways. The next day he messaged me and ask if i wanted to come out and i agreed then he drove to dragonbowl and asked if i was hungry and ordered a feast. Then within a week he came around to drop off some lobster and noodles from dragonbowl. Weeks later he message me if we can go further. I didn't really answered him but we started having dates and night drives. This was the point my parents got upset going out at odd hours like 3am. Then one day at work he message me to borrow money i leant him and then it was abit of a drama between mum and him. Til today his fine but my mum hates him.  Everytime i se...
Read more