I'm not that crazy

 I'm not going through anything is that bad. I am normal and fine. I wish i cant say that but apparently im not normal. I feel so weak and defeated everytime someone brings up my mental health. It's just a phase not permenant. I am fine i want to be treated normal. Like finding jobs is so difficult when they see a big gap from my work history they ask what i did those time i had to tell the truth about my mental health but they just reject you. 

Everytime i get relapse and get back out of hospital im talking about thinking about the same things.. They won't go away and i tried to tell people but they don't believe me or think im crazy. Who do i go too for this. Doctors don't even help or know me personally. for 20 years of my life they don't know whats good for me or bad. They are all unreliable. I was almost overdosed in hospital with medication until i told them about it and they reduce it. Almost every night in the beginning when i have no idea what i did or said like my spirit was gone and it was like a dream but its reality on how i was really in hospital and overdosed feeling not myself and  it was not that simple. 

I experienced those moments to show the world thats happening. I am not going to say anymore before they think i need to go back to hospital. I think alot everynight and i just sleep it off but i do just think about it and i am going closer to it. I don't know when but i feel like its gonna happen again.